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Kendimize karşı genellikle en acımasız eleştirmen oluruz. Hatalarımızda kendimizi yerden yere vurur, başarılarımızı ise küçümseriz. Oysa zor bir gün geçiren bir dostumuza nasıl davranırdık? Muhtemelen ona nazik, anlayışlı ve destekleyici olurduk. İşte öz şefkat, bu nazikliği ve anlayışı kendimize yöneltebilme becerisidir. Bu, kendini şımartmak veya tembelliğe bahane bulmak değil, acı çektiğimizde veya başarısız olduğumuzda kendimize insanca davranmaktır.
Öz saygı, genellikle başarılarımıza, yeteneklerimize veya başkalarıyla yaptığımız kıyaslamalara dayanır. Kendimizi "iyi" veya "başarılı" hissettiğimizde yüksektir. Ancak öz şefkat, koşulsuzdur. Başarılı olsak da olmasak da, hata yapsak da yapmasak da kendimize değer vermeyi ve nazik davranmayı içerir. Bu yüzden, öz şefkat, zor zamanlarda çok daha güvenilir bir içsel kaynaktır.
Bu beceriyi daha iyi anlamak için üç temel unsuruna bakabiliriz:
"Kendinize, sevdiğiniz birine gösterdiğiniz şefkatin aynısını göstermeyi hak ediyorsunuz."
Öz şefkat, zihinsel sağlığımızı güçlendirir, kaygı ve depresyon belirtilerini azaltır, motivasyonu artırır ve yaşam doyumunu yükseltir.
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